Showing posts from 2015

Love, Actually (or I Hate Dictionaries)

Dear readers,
I hate dictionaries.
Actually, I'm an English major, so that's false. I get abnormal amounts of joy from learning what what words like "perambulator" and "clandestine" and "flossy" mean (yes, the urban kind counts, too. Sometimes.)
But the dictionary has no idea what poetry is. It can't define freedom. And it is absolutely clueless about love.

Take one:

...Okay, "constant affection"? Ain't nobody got time for that! I don't care how much I love you, I will eventually stop feeling affection for you long enough to go get myself some food. And maybe read a book. And what about when you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the wrong place or eat the last of the ice cream without telling me?!?! Does my irritation mean I stopped loving you?

We're done here.

Take two:

...Well, the verb edition is always somewhat better. But the whole"desire" thing bothers me. Like, I think lust and love are two separate wo…

Real Talk

I'll admit it: being a Christian is pretty irrational. Not entirely, I mean we have some pretty dang smart philosophers and theologians and even scientists in our tradition and stuff, but when it comes down to it, my faith is still a faith and not a proven theory.
So why do I believe? So many of my posts on here are founded on a worldview or a set of philosophical assumptions I haven't yet explained. Well, it's kind of hard to explain, honestly. There are many people smarter than me who have tried to account for questions like how do we know Jesus historically existed or what about scientific evidence that the miracles in the Bible actually happened: that type of thing is beyond the scope of this post.  And, I've met enough smart, kind, and good atheists and agnostics to know that there's still reasonable room for doubt. Heck, I do doubt sometimes. But I've never been able to abandon my faith completely.  So, for anyone who might be curious, here's not so m…

A Manifesto For Cultured Individuals

I love music.  I'm pretty sure if you read this blog much you've noticed I quote or reference a lot of musicians in these posts, ranging from Audrey Assad to Taylor Swift to Kid Cudi.  If I can sing to it, dance to it, or get inspired by it, the genre doesn't matter.  My taste is all over the place and I'm constantly looking for new tunes.  And often it happens that I'll be listening to a ridiculously catchy song for the first time (*cough* it'sgoingdownforreal *cough*) and have its melody stuck in my head refusing to budge until I look it up.  So I do.  And let's just say that upon further lyrical investigation I am personally ready to strangle Flo Rida, T.I., and Pitbull.  (jk that would not be the cultured ladylike thing to do.  But if there are any assassins for hire reading this, contact me in the comments or something.) Yes, something as initially delightful as music sometimes fills me with despair for the condition of the human race and its disregard…

The Trouble With Love

Every love is as unique and unrepeatable as the person it is given to.
Heartbreak has been on my mind a lot lately because of a few friends who I care very deeply about and their recent life experiences. This is dedicated to them.

The trouble with love is that you can never repeat it. Tell someone that there are plenty of fish in the sea and expect to receive nothing but tears, ice-cold glares that could kill, or both. It's not a comforting response because they know that love isn't a little award that they can hold auditions for, passing on the trophy of their heart to whoever performs the best at the time. It's not an emotion they can just turn on and off, or grow out of, or experience in phases. Love is unscientific, and we can't and shouldn't take it lightly, or expect to be able to solve or cure it. Love is a choice, a choice that has already been made. And true love (or unconditional love) is an irreversible choice. It's one I would never criticize anyone…

Confessions of a Catholic College Student

My dear readers,

I am not ok.
I am weak.
I am imperfect.
And, I can't fix it.

I guess you could say I'm failing.  Because despite the above average GPA, the volunteering, the blog, (which has surpassed the 1,300 pageview milestone!)  and the smiles for everyone that are so natural they've become my default,  I have realized that Westley from The Princess Bride was right: "Life is pain, Highness.  Anyone who says differently is selling something."  Well...maybe that's the melancholic in me talking, but there are days when I agree with the Man in Black wholeheartedly.  There are so many people around me hurting, and as hard as try, I am less than enough to heal them.  Maybe that's because I haven't healed myself or fixed my own messes:  the cowardice, the impatience, the laziness...and to top it all off, the perfectionism. The one that makes all the other ones worse.  The one that tortures me because I don't have my life together and am almost cluele…

Amor Vincit Omnia: To my future husband

My Dear Sir,

I may not know your name yet, or what your face looks like, or what you're passionate about.  I don't know how or when or where we'll find each other.  But I know you're a real, living breathing human being.  I know that one day we're going to choose each other, out of the billions of people in this world, and try to make a beautiful life together in spite of all the difficulties we'll have to face.

I also know that there's a 50 percent divorce rate.  I know that girls who think they're signing up for a fairy tale end up getting a load of paperwork and a scar instead.  I know that men often think they've found someone who respects them only to realize they're being substituted for an ideal they can never live up to.  I know that people are naive, impulsive, selfish, annoying, and sometimes downright heartbreaking and cruel.  And yet, I refuse to give up on love.  I refuse to believe it's impossible and I refuse to consider mysel…

Mark Twain's Anaconda Don't Want None: Musings on Free Will

"In the course of my reading I had come across a case where, many years ago, some hunters on the Great Plains organized a buffalo hunt for the entertainment of an English earl.  They had charming sport.  They killed seventy-two of those great animals; and ate part of one of them and left the seventy-one to rot.  In order to determine the difference between an anaconda and an earl (if any) I caused seven young calves to be turned into the anaconda's cage.  The grateful reptile immediately crushed one of them and swallowed it, then lay back satisfied.  It showed no further interest in the calves, and no disposition to harm them.  I tried this experiment with other anacondas; always with the same result.  The fact stood proven that the difference between an earl and an anaconda is that the earl is cruel and the anaconda isn't."  ~Mark Twain,"The Damned Human Race"

We are the cruelest creatures alive. We have all the knowledge we need to be kind and compassiona…

Sleeping With the Enemy: How to Wake Up for 2015

Hey, 2015.  I'm glad you're here.  I hope you're going to be wonderful.  I hope you change me.  I couldn't come up with a resolution because there are so many things I want to do better and so little time to do them. Also, I recently read this:"People don’t change because they decide to be better. If that happened, then New Year’s Resolutions would work. People decide to change because they elevate their loves." ~David Brooks

  I think my resolutions usually turn out badly because I keep looking towards myself, thinking I can decide to be better.  How am I supposed to grow stronger by trying to achieve greatness through my own strength?  It's not at all logical.  It's like trying to pull a car out of a swamp using the power of...the car that's stuck in the swamp.  I need an outside force in order to move.   And if  I'm not doing this life thing alone, I have to stop acting like it.  Pride is the first thing that has to go.  For me, pride al…